Grateful - The three of us forever :)
Today I want to celebrate Bev’s life and what she meant to me and to each of us. Bev was only 50 when she died 4 years ago today, May 27, 2016.
Beverley Joyce Desmarais was born in Bramalea, Ontario, to Tony, a handsome French man, and Daryl, a beautiful Saskatchewan farm girl, on Oct 6th, 1965. Mom and Dad were anxious to have another child and very close to adopting a young boy when Mom was grocery shopping and felt nauseas in the meat department – and – she knew immediately she was pregnant. She RAN home to tell Tony, “I am pregnant!” They were ‘over the moon’ excited - giving Debra, six years older, a beautiful baby sister to love and BOSS around.
We lived in Toronto until the summer of 1971 when Dad died at a very young age of 47. Then, we three moved to Saskatoon to be closer to Mom’s Saskatchewan family. We survived one very long COLD winter - then moved out West to the sunny Kelowna. The small town life was perfect for us ‘three girls’ where we enjoyed the Okanagan lifestyle.
In the summer of 1977 Debra moved to Edmonton and shortly thereafter in 1980 Mom decided to move her and Bev there while Bev was still in junior high school. Bev was born tough - strong and capable - and a very hard worker. She did very well as a server in the Restaurant business for over 15 years - always earning big tips. Very independent. Bev was also very creative by nature and loved makeup artistry, ceramics, interior decorating and modeling. She went to esthetics school and started her own business. Bev used Mom and I as her guinea pigs for practice … always ending in fits of laughter. She could always count on us.
Bev’s days were full – having two or even three jobs going at any one time. She taught at the Alberta Academy of Esthetics in Edmonton and then for an International company, LCN, while here in Kelowna. Her students loved her as she had a softer style of teaching and encouraging her students to be ‘perfect’ in all their practices. Her perfection and loyalty to any job was well above the average.
One of her favorite careers was Real Estate – she jumped into the Edmonton Real Estate market where she thrived.
We talked at least three times a day, for as long as I can remember, and we shared our Mom and loved nothing more than to tease her and treat her often. Bev would always say, “I am the best” And I would say … NOOO… “I am the best”. We shared a good laugh every day – usually about nothing at all.
Bev’s favorite travels were to Cabo San Lucas to sit on the beach at Mango Deck, soak up the sun, dance in the sand and play with the overly attentive Mexican waiters (who all loved her) and she drank girly drinks. She never drank alcohol all year long except on the beaches in Mexico or Hawaii! We shared an 8-week adventure to Bali and I cannot count the number of times we fell over laughing our guts out! Usually, at her expense. She loved the water and Bev said she is an expert floater :)
Bev loved our family times BEST with Mom and the kids - and some favorites were being up at Big White for Christmas. Toni, She and I would ski together as our abilities were the same – Green runs – Serwa rocks. First snow ski days at the mountain meant Bev and I were DOG TIRED when we made it back to our chalet. Mom was sitting at the window - always looking and waiting for a glimpse of the boys, Toni or Us to ski or board past. Of course, Bev got stuck in the deep snow just outside out chalet and I was crying hard with laughter I ran out of energy to even help her get down. Finally we made it in. After moans and groans while taking off our boots and ski gear we were starving and made ourselves some lunch. Mom was still glued to the window watching for the boys… (aged 29&33) They boarded past the window and quickly made their way into the chalet. Mom JUMPED up and greeted the boys asking “What can I make you for lunch (we would tease her endlessly over this one and she denied even doing it!)
When our Mom died a year before Bev was diagnosed with colon cancer, we were both laying beside her when she took her last breath. A moment so intimate and intensely sad we grieved together holding onto each other for life.
When we threw the surprise 50th party for Bev this past September she was TOTALLY shocked and excited to see everyone. She was so happy she had her new black wig on for the event … she was so gorgeous. Her smile was natural and so beautiful :)
Bev’s life was full of joys, love, family & friendships - and also struggles. After being diagnosed with Colon Cancer, her last year was filled with fears, sickness and hopes of a cure and then the reality of dying. She was amazed at how many friends she had - and the love of her students and clients showed her. Bev’s best friend Bonnie arrived to help her through Chemo and then stayed with Bev throughout the entire year. Thank God Bonnie was able to be there for her – especially the last month and last weeks, when Bev was enduring incredible pain. Very hard to witness – but she was there for her … Thank you Bonnie.
Bev NEVER complained about her pain or her sickness. Once a nurse friend of mine suggested I asked her to rate her pain, from 1 – 10, and then be able gauge and track it. So, after her colon surgery to remove a large tumor, and after a few weeks of hospital stays, I asked her – “on a scale of 1 – 10, Bev – where are you at?” She thought about it and said, “a 7.”
“WHAT?” I said, “A 7!” I am a fucking 7 on a good day and I am not sick! Of course – we laughed often about her ‘7’.
This was Bev. Tough and strong when facing the months of chemo, loss of hair (she looked gorgeous even with no hair) weight loss and fatigue – Bev always was able to answer her phone and say, “I am Great!.” Never EVER complaining.
We travelled to Hawaii in January – one last time. Toni, Bonnie, Bev and I enjoyed the sunshine and warm ocean water. Against all advice – no health insurance – and the possibility of her taking a turn for the worse … I am GRATEFUL that we didn’t put that last trip off.
We talk about God and Heaven and what would happen when she dies. It would be normal to be afraid of dying but she was not afraid. She knew she was going to have Mom waiting for her and holding through her last moments. In fact, when Bev was in Kelowna Hospice House - for only one night and the room she was admitted to was the very one our Mom was in when she died April 6th, of 2014. We knew Mom was there – for Bev when she died that day.
There is one message I know Bev wanted to share … to be GRATEFUL. I asked her about what advice or message she would like to tell everyone. She thoughtfully said, “to be grateful.” Her last year was filled with unexpected kindness and love and generosity from so many people she really experienced true gratitude.
My life has very big HOLE in it with the loss of my baby sister. I know her many friends feel the same way. Only time heals some of the pain, a broken heart is never really healed too perfect ever again, and grief and sadness turn into joy with so many memories. I am GRATEFUL for having Bev in my life.